에쮸드 연행 체험을 통한 서사적 자기이해

Abstract

This paper aims to explore the process of narrative self-understanding process through the researcher’s experience with Etude performance. To achieve this, the researcher examined the application of performative execution methods based on their experiences as an Etude performer, as an audience member, communication with other participants, and performance diaries. The researcher reconstructed their past experiences of ‘the dramatic’ into a text with a beginning, middle, and end according to the Etude grammar, and performed this improvisation in front of an audience. Through a solo non-verbal Etude performance titled “Gift”, the researcher expressed and perceived suppressed sorrow due to the loss of her mother, discovering that the mourning process was prolonged and difficult due to a close emotional relationship with her mother. During a two-person verbal Etude performance titled “Letter”, the researcher understood that a traumatic experience of separation from her father at the age of nine intensified the identification with her mother. The self-narratives constructed through the performances of “Gift” and “Letter” were newly incorporated and connected to the researcher’s self-story, allowing for narrative self-understanding over time and communication with reality. Parts of the self-narrative discoursed through the Etude performance expanded through communication with the audience participants, filling in gaps and expanding the self-narrative. The Etude performance space is a transferential space of co-presence with bodies, where performers and participants emotionally respond to each other and form relationships within performative space. In this embodied transferential space, participants shared narrative truths, enhanced intimacy, and formed a community. This study is significant in that it demonstrates the effectiveness of the Etude performance experience in discoursing parts of one’s self-story and communicating with participants, thereby facilitating the reinterpretation of one’s past experiences and the creating of meaning, which enhances narrative self-understanding. It suggests the Etude performance experience as a method of self-exploration for the cultivation of professional competencies for prospective therapists and therapists.