외도 후 부부관계의 용서: 정서적 분리와 화해

Abstract

The purpose of this paper lies in analyzing four women's stories of their trauma of their husbands' infidelity. In analyzing the women's forgiveness process, Gordon's model of forgiveness, Glass' integrative trauma-based model for reconstructing marriages after the disclosure of infidelity, Choi's concepts of Han, and Capps' concept of hope are employed. The initial response to disclosure of infidelity is a traumatic response including anger, depression, anxiety, nightmares, and flashbacks. The initial stage of forgiveness process or extramarital trauma recovery is to establish safety and hope, to build a sound boundary, to manage affect and posttraumatic symptoms, and to foster caring and good will. The middle stage focuses on finding out the meaning of the affair. Both of Gordon's model and Glass' model focuses on restructuring the participating partner's motif by reframing. In Choi's Korean psychology, however, the trauma is attributed internally and normalized as a universal law. By the Korean reframing mechanism of Han, the injured partner can differentiate herself from the participating partner and therefore acquire an inner peace. The final stage focuses on forgiveness and reconciliation in the two models. Forgiveness is sought and granted. Recognition, responsibility, remorse, restitution, reform, release, and reconciliation is sought and granted. The Korean women's forgiveness remains in Han, an compromised inner peace by separating themselves from their unfaithful husbands. Its weakness lies in its passivity or self-absorption. They have little power enough to transform the passive forgiving into the active forgiving or caring, because their affects are nothing but reactions to other's behaviors or events. As an agent to change their passive forgiving to active forgiving, Capps' concept of hope is employed. Hopes, projections that envision the realizable and thus contain risk, can stimulate them to take a risk at forgiving the injured partner.