사별 애도를 위한 영적 돌봄과 의미 만들기 이론- 자녀를 잃은 부부의 사례를 중심으로 -
A Case of a Bereaved Couple: Spiritual Care and Meaning-making Theory for Bereavement
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인간이 경험하는 상실 중에 가장 슬픈 일은 사랑하는 사람을 죽음으로 인해 잃는 것이다. 그 중에서도 자녀를 잃는 경험은 더욱 부모의 가슴을 아프게 한다. 자녀를 잃는 것은 부모 자신을 잃는 것일 뿐 아니라, 부모들이 꿈꾸던 미래를 잃게 된다. 상실로 인한 반응은 감정뿐 아니라, 인지, 신체, 행동에도 변화를 가져온다. 애도는 지속적으로 상실을 극복해 나아가는 과정이며, 애도의 기간은 평균 일 년으로 보지만, 자녀상실의 경우는 4-5년으로 본다. 하지만, 사별자들이 겪는 애도의 기간이나 방식은 저마다 다르기 때문에, 비교할 수 있는 것은 아니다. 그러기에, 목회적인 돌봄을 위해서는 상실에 대한 깊은 이해가 필요하며, 위로를 위한 바른 접근 방법을 알아야 한다. 본 논문에서는 자녀를 잃은 한 부부의 사례를 중심으로 상실로부터의 회복을 위한 기독교 영성의 역할에 대해서 살펴본다. 기독교의 영성은 신앙에 대한 믿음과 실천을 포함하여 다양한 요소들에 의해서 구성된다. 그 가운데 믿음과 가치, 의미추구와 연관 지을 수 있는 의미 만들기 이론(Meaning-making theory)에 대해서 설명을 하고, 사례부부가 자신들의 삶과 아이의 죽음의 의미를 찾기 위한 과정을 이론에 적용해 본다. 이를 통해, 영성의 한 요소인 의미추구가 어떻게 사랑하는 사람을 잃은 사별자들의 슬픔과 고통의 과정에 도움이 되는지를 살펴본다. 또한, 신앙공동체의 중요성과 더불어, 목회자와 공동체원들의 애도에 관한 이해와 성숙한 돌봄 의식이 확장되어야 함을 강조한다.
Abstract
This paper focuses on spiritual care and counseling in the time of bereavement. Grief is a part of human life just as death is inevitable. The loss of a loved one due to death is a most painful experience. In particular, the loss of a child is one of the most devastating, incomprehensible, and overwhelming experiences that parents can face. The death of a child causes complicated grief reactions, and the parents experience the grieving process longer than with other bereavement experiences. The death of a child reverses the natural order, as it is assumed that children will outlive their parents. Children are regarded as extensions of their parents in many ways, and they represent the beginning of the next generation and the future of the parents. It is not unusual for bereaved parents to experience a series of feelings, physical difficulties, and behavioral changes. They may deny the reality of death, feel numb upon hearing of the death, and feel anger or guilt over the death. In addition, they search for the meaning of the loss and of their lives by asking God “Why?”For pastoral care and counseling, pastors and church members need to have deep understanding of the experience of bereaved parents and support them in appropriate ways of care. In this paper, I explained the spiritual dimension of care, mentioning how religious/spiritual beliefs influence care of bereaved survivors and what spiritual elements may be used for care and counseling. Particularly, I emphasized the importance of meaning-making that can help the bereaved adjust to a new world where the deceased is missing. Humans are spiritual beings who long for connectedness, making sense of things, finding meaning, and healing. I illustrated a bereaved couple who explored spiritual meaning of their lives and death of their child. Through the spiritual journey of the bereaved parents to find meaning of the loss and their lives in their personal relationship with God, they found a meaning of their lives understanding God’s will and purpose. However, I indicate that pastors and members should not try to give answers to ultimate questions in an attempt to comfort bereaved parents during the early stage of the loss. It would be better not to say anything, but instead to offer the simple comfort of being with them.
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